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Rules of Thum - The Auditions

So, when I was a kid, I was sort of a child actress.

I didn't do a lot of acting, just a lot of training and waiting around.

The thing was, my mom worked for Fosi's Modeling and Talent Agency. I would come with her, and while she did work as an assistant, lining up extras, and sorting through stacks of headshots and resumes, I would read through scripts. Memorizing lines, and practicing for the "Kids on Camera" class. I was pretty good, until I saw the camera.

The camera would record directly onto a VHS tape, which we would playback after a scene, and review. There was a little red light that would go on, indicating that the camera was recording. When I saw this red light, it triggered butterflies in my belly.

I would suddenly feel very nervous.

It was embarassing for me, and I think it was a source of frustration for my mother.

I was not exactly ready, but I was sent on auditions anyway. If I could experience auditions, and see that other kids were doing it, maybe it would help me to feel more at ease. Practice makes perfect right?

It was a strange sort of failure. On one hand, who knows what the casting directors were actually looking for, so many aspects were beyond my control, like my hair and eye color. But in my mind, I wasn't getting the part because I didn't do a good enough job. Most of the time we wouldn't hear about it at all. A phone call telling my mom that I didn't get the part was actually a good sign, it meant that they were still hoping to use me as a back up plan. I didn't understand that though. I didn't understand any of it.

There was a commercial that I really wanted to get. It was for a local toy store. It was so simple. All I had to do was sit in a giant pile of stuffed toys and smile. Maybe I would shout "TOYS by ROY!" I felt like there was no way I could fail. The part was mine. I didn't even have to audition for it, it was just that easy.

They were filming the commercial at the Tucson Mall. I remember looking down on the store and seeing the giant pile of stuffed animals. I saw the girl that got the part, they were piling toys all around her, she was blonde. My mom told me that was the only reason she got the part.

Drew Barrymore is awesome. I get it. It's just that I think this story kind of explains something about me. It's as if I am still auditioning for some part in some crummy commercial. I am still waiting for that happy phone call.


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